Pregnant Women

It's 9 months later and it still can be hard for me to see a pregnant woman. I guess deep down I am still mourning my pregnancy. I missed the whole 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. I spent the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy on full medical bed rest, so I never got a chance to see how big my belly was before I delivered. I am not sure when or if I will ever actually get over this. It is like my heart hurts a little when I see a pregnant woman.

A NICU nurse told me that she had a NICU mom once who had a hard time dealing with the fact that her babies respiratory therapist was pregnant and she asked for someone different. When the nurse told me this story I could totally relate to the mom, and for once I didn't feel like a crazy person. It was nice to know other NICU moms had the same feelings I did.

Recently I saw my dear friend Jade who is pregnant with her first child. She is someone I care about a great deal. When I saw her pregnant it was the first time my heart didn't hurt. I was so happy for her. Jade and her husband Josh are going to be wonderful parents to their son.

I am not sure if this means I am getting over the hurt I experience or if it didn't hurt so bad because it was my friend. I know this is something I need to work on, but with each day that passes it gets a little easier. I know in life I will see many more pregnant women. It is my hope that as time goes on  I won't be immediately reminded of what I all I had to go through when I see a pregnant woman walk by.

If you are a NICU of preemie mom out there dealing with too just know you are not alone.

This is one of the few pictures I have of me pregnant. I was put on hospital bed rest about a week after it was taken.