My Journey

On October 25 my life changed in ways I would have never imagined. To say my journey was a roller caster can't even begin to describe it. 

My journey begins with trying to get pregnant. It took 6 IUIs and 2 IVFs to finally get pregnant. Shots after shot and appointment after appointment finally paid off after months of heart ace and disappointment.

 To this day my weekly trips to the infertility doctor mark as one of the most depressing times of my life. Sitting in a waiting room full of women of all races and ages working towards the same difficult goal of getting pregnant was something I'll never forget. 

When I finally got the call from the nurse that I was pregnant I couldn't believe it. I wanted to be excited, but I was also a nervous wreck. My first IVF ended in a miscarriage, so I didn't want to get my hopes up again. I was so envious of women who could just take a home pregnancy test, found out it was positive ad cherished in the moment of excitement and joy.

Even with the good news I still was apprehensive because I knew how it felt to be let down. 

Finally it was ultrasound day. The day I would learn the most exciting news of my life and the moment it finally felt official.  I could

see that I was pregnant with my own eyes. As I got my ultrasound I learned I was going to have twins. Twins! I was pregnant and I was having twins! My heart instantly filled with some much joy and love that I thought it might explode. I loved them the moment I saw them. There they were, Baby A and Baby B.

My pregnancy wasn't an easy one. I had appointments every other week with my regular OBGYN and a Fetal Medicine doctor. They followed me closely because baby B was small. Both doctors spent a lot of time explaining to me that they were very concerned that Baby B wasn't growing enough

and according to their medical opinion they didn't believe that

baby would make it. I cried just about every week. Every week I would go and Baby B would have a heart beat but they still would tell me not to get my hopes up. I would feel a kick and just pray that one of those kicks was coming from my precious Baby B. 

When I was just 22 weeks pregnant I started bleeding and called my doctor. I was instructed to go to the emergency room immediately. I was scared out is my mind and immediately thought the worst. I tried so hard to get pregnant and I just couldn't lose them now.  

I was hooked up to all the monitors and I was seen right away by the doctor. The doctor calmly told me that I was having contractions. Contractions?! How could I be having contractions I thought. I wasn't even in the 3rd trimester yet. The doctor told me that I was going to need to be medivaced to Baltimore to be at a hospital with a NICU incase I delivered. They pumped me up with medicine to stop my labor and off I went to Baltimore. I had no idea at the time, but this day would mark as the first day of a 5 month period that I would be in a hospital. 

I made it on full bed rest in Baltimore for 3 weeks and delivered at 26 weeks 4 days. 

My twins were micro preemies that weighed 1 pound 11 and 2 pounds 4. They were two strong little girls that were bond and determined to fight. I didn't even know the term micro preemie existed until I had two of my own. 

My girls spent 4 months in the NICU. That year Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years were spent in the hospital. I went to see them every day. I learned everything I could. I tried to make it to every doctors round and learned all the nurses names that took care of my daughters. 

The NICU life is a hard one. There are so many turns and ups and downs it's enough to make your head spin. When one was doing well the other wasn't. When one need a blood transfusion the other one needed one shortly after. I learned about oxygen machines, heart rate monitors, brain bleeds, heel sticks, isolates, the importance of breast milk and everything in between. 

My fondest memory was when the NICU nurses surprised my husband and I on Christmas Eve and coordinated to have my girls brought together. They hadn't been together since I was pregnant. During their NICU stay they were down the hall from each other. I spent my day walking from room to room to visit them both. Having my family together in one room was the most precious memory I have. This is a testament to how wonderful and dedicated NICU nurses are. They are truly special people who work a very difficult job. 

My girls finally came home from the NICU after 4 long months. The moment we were all home I sat in a chair and held them both together and I remember thinking, now for the next journey, raising twins. 

Twins is truly something special. Unless you have twins or other sets of multiples you really can't begin to understand what it is like. I think that's why whenever I see other sets of twins out and about I always feel the need to say hello. Likewise, parents of multiples come up and say hello to me too. 

Twins is a lot of work, but there is also something so special about seeing two children growing up together and reaching milestones together. 

In three years of having twins I learned a few things. Here are the most important things.

Firstly get them on a night time schedule as soon as possible.  My girls have always slept in the same room together and I have always put them down at the same time. If you have infants that still are eating over the course of the night then when one wakes up to eat, just go ahead and see if the other one wants to eat too. If you don't at least try to see if the other one will eat, you could possible be up the whole night alternating feedings. 

Secondly be prepared to have baby gates all over your house. Here is the thing about twins, if one hasn't figured out how to get into something the other one will. They will learn from each other and share ideas on how to get into stuff. They learn the art of teamwork quickly.  Remember it's two minds working together. They will also be ahead of you, but that is just one way having twins is something amazing. 

Everywhere you go people will stare at you. My twins aren't even identical, but people always just know they are twins. People are just fascinated by them. Don't be alarmed but strangers will ask you random questions about them.

I guess because you have a unique situation people feel like they have the right to ask you about it. I have had all sort of questions but the most common ones are "is one easier than the other" or "is one the boss." Well they are toddlers now so just being with one toddler can have it's  challenges so, no, their isn't an "easier one," and all toddlers want to think they are the boss so no one isn't the boss over the other.   The good news is that, I can leave my house in sweatpants and my hair in a messy bun and It wouldn't matter because my twins will always be the one thing people will look at before me now.

You will change an enormous amount of diapers. You will always have to pack a very large diaper bag. And if you are alone with them with no other adult around you will always be out numbered. The amount of stuff you acquire with twins is ridiculous. Be prepared for your home to be a little disorganized for a bit. Don't worry though, you'll get your house back when they get a little older. 

Having twins will create stress on your relationship with your spouse. It could be financial stress because raising twins is expensive. It may be stressful because one thinks they do more work than the other. Just remember that you both love each other and it will get easier. When my girls came home from the NICU, my husband and I soon took on roles or jobs. It helped us get the job done. As they get bigger it does become less stressful and easier. My husband and I recently took one of my daughters to a doctors appointment together. I jokingly said to him "you know this is really easy." But with that said watching two kids grow up together is something amazing.  Watching them hold hands and talk to each other melts my heart. Watching them play together and learning their likes and dislikes becomes special memories. 

My journey wasn't easy and it still isn't easy, but I feel so lucky to have gotten this far. My girls are growing, healthy, and happy.